


four: beyond

by uselessphillie



Series: home (wherever i'm with you) [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, canon mark: 1 may 2018, interactive introverts, self-indulgent descriptions of dan holding a baby because i'm weak, some more introspection whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 03:06:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14559486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uselessphillie/pseuds/uselessphillie
Summary: Dan holds baby Pearl, and Phil has some thoughts.





	four: beyond

_ After the tour. _

It’s this indiscriminate time period in their lives where anything is possible. They talk about it sometimes as though it’s years and years away, they make grand plans, they use words like  _ house _ and  _ commitment  _ and  _ forever _ .

While they were planning the tour, anything that might happen after  _ did _ seem eons away. It’s the nature of the thing, this massive, all-encompassing adventure they’re currently undertaking. It doesn’t leave much room for anything else.

But with each date they check off the calendar, with each hotel room they close the door on, thoughts of  _ after the tour _ loom larger and larger in Phil’s mind. They’ll be done before Christmas, before his next birthday, hell, they’ll be done even before the trees start to shed leaves all over their balcony in London. 

It makes his head spin, thinking of all the things they’ve planned for  _ after. Soon soon soon soon soon _ \- 

“Phil? You in there somewhere?” Louise waves a hand in front of his eyes, the jangling of her silver bracelets jolting him from his introspective daydream.

“We were just speculating about whether or not you’re going to actually turn into a pancake once we’re in America,” Dan says from his left. “That’s what he’s zoned out fantasizing about, no doubt,” he jokes, turning back to Louise.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Phil mumbles, half under his breath. Dan gives him a curious glance, forehead crinkling quizzically. In the next second, his expression smooths out and he starts to pick the thread of conversation back up with Louise. From her place in Dan’s lap, baby Pearl interrupts with a bright squeal, reaching a hand up towards Dan’s face. 

Just like that, Phil is overcome. To watch her tiny fist curl around the finger Dan offers to her, to listen to the soothing sound he makes low in his throat.

The monologue starts up again.  _ Soon. After. _

Under the table, Dan’s foot nudges into his so lightly that it could be an accident, except that they’re masters of having entire conversations without words.

_ (you okay?) _

Phil presses his toes down gently on top of Dan’s.

_ (i’m good.) _

Dan looks over at him again, smile blinding, and tucks his foot fully into Phil’s space before launching into another story. Phil knows he should be paying more attention; after all, it’s been months since they’ve seen Louise and it’ll be months more before they see her again.

Only a couple months, though.  _ After. _

So if he’s helpless to do anything but watch Dan, well, can he really be blamed? Dan is swaying side-to-side, his usual baseline restlessness repurposed into a gentle bop that’s got Pearl half-asleep against his chest. His pointer finger is still tucked into her fist, thumb stroking softly back and forth across her tiny fingers as she dozes. Phil looks and looks and looks, he wants this image burned into his retinas until he can have it for real, to tide him over during the nights where the thought of  _ incomplete _ creeps up his spine. 

Phil twines his ankle more closely around Dan’s and tunes back into the conversation. There’s time.

***

There’s a meet and greet and a show and a whirlwind of final goodbyes to Louise and then they’re back in the merciful quiet of their hotel room. Dan is flitting around the suite, closing the blinds and tossing stray clothes back into their suitcase, working out the excess adrenaline he always gets from performing. He’s talking out loud as he goes, mostly to himself but Phil makes occasional noises like he listening anyway.

Mostly, he’s still thinking.

It’s awhile before Dan joins him under the duvet, but when he does Phil moves in close, tucking his head under Dan’s chin and tangling their legs together.

Dan allows himself to be manhandled into cuddling position and presses a kiss into Phil’s hair. “What have you been lain here thinking about, hm?” Dan says as he flicks off the lamp and pulls the duvet up around their shoulders.

“You,” Phil says, without missing a beat. It’s true, anyway.

Dan giggles, snuggling down further into the blankets. “Is that right? What about me, go on then.”

Phil finds that he doesn’t know how to begin, even though it’s not really a beginning. They do this all the time, pick up conversations they started days or weeks or months ago. But he doesn’t want to do it here, in a random hotel room in a city that’s not theirs. The image from earlier today still blazes behind his eyes.

It’s enough, for now.

“Just love you, that’s all,” he says in response to Dan’s question.

“Oh, is that all?” Dan says, bright and teasing and Phil thinks it  _ is _ all, it’s everything, what else even is there?

Phil hides his smile in Dan’s shoulder as bare toes press into his shin, listening to the words Dan doesn’t need to say.

_ (i love you too) _

**Author's Note:**

> send me your tour prompts over on tumblr: moon-boye


End file.
